In a stunning development, Prince Bill and Kute Kate have divorced after three hours of marriage. Royal interlopers and plants have appeared and converged on the media (more coverage than the first day of Shawk 'N' Awe) to explain the scandal. Apparently, the male compliment complained his princess had widened her smile so much during the wedding that "beavers descended on our consummation bed, their rutting flappers smashing my left temple to a point past concussion and into indentation a la Linus."
Not to be upstaged, Kate countered her new photo-op stand-by had "been spied talking to a tampon in the men's WC post-I do and muttering 'Camilla was on to something, now only if it could say something intelligent' ".
More details to follow.