Saturday, April 18, 2009


I'm committing a faux pas by publicizing a dream to, amongst others, internet strangers in Sri Lanka, Shreveport, and Shpunt. I usually keep these intimate moments to myself and a few loved ones, but if legions of versifiers can put mild epiphany to paper and see it off for publication and sale, certainly I can get in on the act as well.

I was tailing a man down the street when, of a sudden, he ducked into a medical clinic, the office therein holding a blind surgeon and that man whom the white-coated Doc was to operate on, the three of us surrounding a large wooden table. I signed off on the operation, and wasn't worried about the possibly bothersome issue of visual challenge to be undergone since the surgeon had an aura of beaming insouciance, a calm and becalming demeanor one often associates with Ramana Maharshi.

I started to head out the door, but stopped, and offhand, let go with this (in mock stentorian):

"The average human brain weighs approximately four pounds, and from the way it behaves, sometimes it should be taken out and given a damn good pounding."

(I fact-checked this later, and the brain is three pounds, so I was close.)

There's an Ezra joke in there somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Negative Blurbs

I noticed this link from the vehicule press blog on negative blurbs which reminded me of the self-mocking blurbs for one of the funniest books I've ever read, Bored Of The Rings, the parody of The Lord Of The Rings. The Harvard Lampoon (Henry Beard and Douglas Kenney) included a few send-ups on their own reworking of Tolkien's great trilogy, such as:

"A slightly more liberal reading of the leash-laws would keep books like this off the stands. I don't know how you'll fare, but my copy insists on long walks around suppertime, bays at the moon, and has spoiled every sofa cushion in the place."

--Wilmot Proviso, The Rocky Mountain Literary Round-Up

"One of the two or three books ...."

--Frank O'Prussia, Dublin Gazette