Monday, March 22, 2010

Monday Mailbag #8

Dear Tribal Hack:

I'm deep into the composition of my first novel. Unfortunately, I've bitten off more than I can digest, assimilate and emit. There's a long, intricate plot, multi-layered and from multiple points of view. I long ago introduced the hero as naive about an infelicity pertaining to the upholding of his spouse's honour, but since then, everyone has commented, ruthlessly, upon his whereabouts and secret links to the Scientology elite, his creative culinary carelessness, and his bank account with the burgeoning right-margin zeroes while dressing in tie-dyes and puka shells. What can I do?

-- Dawn D. Layed

Dear Dawn:

Beats me. Sounds more wayward and nonsensical than intricate and interesting. Why not turn it into an uproarious, goofy romp, a post-logical send-up of expectation. If a murder mystery, fink on the real killer in chapter one, or better yet, page one. If a schmaltzy romance, make the characters unappealing in the first two descriptive sentences. If a war narrative, make the countries antagonistic in the techno-theaters Canada and the Seychelles. If a political intrigue, remember, everything hinges on the celebration of Juan Bautista's birthday. If in doubt at any time, make it a meta-commentary through the perspective of a failed TSA candidate. Good luck!

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